Ramadan Trash Talk

A few weeks ago, I was in Boston to work on ideas for a text book I may be writing for a publisher I really respect. After the day-long battery of meetings, I returned to my hotel, and seeing that I'd have another hour or so of daylight, I headed out to Newbury street to scare up a meal and see if there was some book store I could skulk around in for a while.

I walked a few blocks, maybe a quarter of a mile, and I found Newbury Comics. For a while, I looked at comics and graphic novels and some really awesome kitch that would never fit in my suitcase. Over the store sound system was playing some very new, very early-eighties-sounding band, something I'm sure that cool people everywhere will soon be dumping on their iPods.

After I lost interest in the rest of the store's obscure Manga robots and badly done anti-McCain bumper stickers, I walked along the street, checking the menus of the street side bistros. While I was stopped and reading the menu of an Indian restaurant called Kashmir, I noticed two Middle Eastern dudes in their early twenties. They were dressed like they were part of a hip-hop entourage: pants sagging, ball caps perched high on their heads.

The one closest to me went up to the short iron fence and leaned across it. "Khalid," he said. "Yo, man. Khalid." I looked to where he was throwing his voice, and I saw another young middle eastern kid, dressed up in a white shirt buttoned to the collar and dark jeans. His shoes looked remarkably expensive.

He was with the kind of girl who I, when I was in college, would have thought was twenty-six but who I now understand, having taught in universities now for twelve years, just appears to be sophisticated. She was remarkably pretty, like someone going into broadcasting. Her hair was blonde and cut expensively, piled up for her date with calculated abandon. She appeared to wear no makeup at all, though that was certainly an illusion. Her fair skin was even and unblemished. She wore a light grey dress that lifted her breasts into view. Around her thin shoulders was a cream knit shawl. In college you could guarantee that I would have gone for the girl in the shawl.

Then there was a hand on the iron fence, rapping against the metal. "Khalid, don't pretend you don't see us."

The blonde asked Khalid if he knew these guys. He nodded. "They're my roommates," he said, and he took some of the flat bread and dipped it into a bowl and ate it.

The two dudes next to me on the street, groaned. The guy next to me pointed to the west above the roofs of the shops on Newbury Street. "The sun does not go down for another ten minutes, dude. You should not be eating."

Khalid looked at his date and shrugged. She checked her phone and then set it down. Khalid jerked his head to one side, to get the guys to move along.

"Aw, shit," the guy next to me said, then looked at his buddy who straightened his cap and repeated the oath back to him.

"I'm gonna call his moms," the other guy said. "He should be fasting. This is bullshit and he knows it."

"Ten minutes, Khalid. Ten minutes," the guy next to me shouted at his friend in the restaurant. Then the two of them made a show of dismissing him with a broad wave like two old men on a stoop. The waiter setting down more food at Khalid's table looked like he thought was doing to die in a hail of gunfire.

As they walked away, the guy who was yelling from the street shook his head and said, "But she's hot for a white girl."

"I know," the other guy said. "Damn hot." Then they walked off, joining the flow of foot traffic on the sidewalk.

I live in a deeply religious community in Utah, where the thought is that by living together and sharing the faith, we can support and sustain our shared beliefs. Though I have lived in this community longer than I have lived at any one address in my life, I have never seen the young people of my own faith reaching out (however ineptly) to preserve the integrity of a friend. Not to this extent.

I can see now, the fear, that religious leaders have about mingling of faiths. Until this moment on Newbury Street I hadn't seen that scenario, (as old as the Old Testament) at play in reality, and I was strangely impressed.

I also felt as ambivalent as those young men must have felt. Khalid's date was hot. I can only wonder what was the rest of that date like? Did Khalid get lucky? If he did, how much would Ramadan observance have actually mattered in the face of that other indiscretion?

It's strange to say it, but really hope that one day, in my own home town, on the first Sunday of the month I might see two cowboys hauling a buddy of theirs out of some house, a fork in their buddy's left hand and a plate full of pie in the other. I hope they throw him in the bed of their truck and drive off, with a beautiful dark haired girl from Vegas in a tank top and jersey shorts watching on, screaming after him, "I'll text you."

I hope one of them says, "You can come back for dinner, bro, and you can kick my ass if you want to, but you're riding out your fast with us."

I know that doesn't say much for agency, but it would make a great story for General Conference.

First Loaf of the Season

Because of the heat of summer and the business of the beginning of the Fall semester is so busy, I haven't started up the weekly ritual of baking bread. My bread baking passion started in graduate school. I lived in a town without a good bakery, and I was really interested in learning how to make the kinds of breads that I devour whenever I get to a town of a certain size (bigger than the one I'm currently living in.

First Loaf

When my wife and I married and moved to our first apartment in Utah, I started a French levain, which is a kind of mild sourdough. With just a dash of yeast and a bunch of smashed grapes and flour, I nurtured a colony of local yeast, which I have kept actively going for just about seven years (just about the length of time I have been working on my novel).

During the summers, when I'm not actively baking, I keep the levain active by changing it out at regular intervals.

I make one large boule, like this one, and two small baguettes. The first one we usually devour with butter and jam, which we did yesterday. The other baguette made it until today, when my most excellent wife handed me a turkey and blue cheese sandwich on the rest of the second baguette. I ate it slowly, and that is the treatment it deserved.

The big boy, pictured above will accompany the butternut squash soup, which is on the menu for the evening. Match that with some fresh made apple cider mixed with sparkling mineral water and an apple pie (apples from the backyard) and you have the best kind of meal, simple, fresh, homemade.

In The Seventh Year

The school year is underway, and I am getting myself ready to dig into edits on the second half of my novel, Rift, which I'll be submitting to my editor sometime between Christmas and the New Year. I made a huge push on it this summer, rewriting significant parts of the opening 50 pages. This was based on some great advice I got from Alan Mitchell and Andrea Hallstrom, who were the judges who gave Rift the Marilyn Brown Award.

The big issue for me and this book has been the opening. It has gone through the most vigorous rewriting. The problem with big changes like this is that once you start chopping things out, you notice how connected they are to other parts of the manuscript. A novel is less of a modular creation and more of an ecological one: you pull out one part and way later in the story, you find the dead branch that you have to prune out. Take that out, and somewhere else you discover another dead patch.

This kind of detail work can get maddening, but it's also what makes me feel most like a writer. Lots of people have said something like this, but writing when you're in the flow, isn't writing. It's something else, something that is also good, but it's not the same as that thing you make yourself do out of discipline or love for the project or the craft or your editor. It's something else entirely, and I love it. Now that I am surrounded by little kids and a wife launching a successful career as an art teacher, I have had to set aside a lot of that flow-writing.

Life is a little too busy right now to get into the mood; however, I can do the detail work because it is so task oriented. I find that I really enjoy the way this work fights against the chaos of things as they normally are in my life right now. I'm sure that some time in the future, this kind of chaos will become some other kind of chaos, but for now, this is the joy.

Soon, I'll be embarking on the second half of my revisions. I had an absolutely spot-on read from William Morris (gentleman and scholar) of A Motley Vision fame. He reviewed Long After Dark in a way that is still almost embarrassingly generous. William is one of the most gregarious and thoughtful readers I've met in a long time. I subscribe to his Good Reads feed, and I'm amazed weekly at the breadth of his reading.

In any case, William made some great suggestions for the second half of the novel. He saw some patterns and loose ends that I have missed, and I'm excited to get into the work and develop some of the thematic threads I lost track of as I fought along through the drafts, trying to just get myself finished.

The long and short of it all is this: I'm feeling more and more like the project is coming to a close, for me. That's how it is with a book, once I'm done, then its on its own, which is the really exciting and nerve-wracking part. I've lived with this project since the fall of 2001, when I moved to Utah and started teaching at Southern Utah University. If you would have told me then, that I'd be spending seven years in a single project, I'd have kicked you in the belly. But here were are, in the seventh year, the sabbatical year. Hmmm, no rest in sight.

This Chart is Saving My Life

It's pretty hard to say no to people. And I have needed a way to make sure that I can keep my projects in line. So, I decided to make a flow chart. At first I thought it was silly, but I like fiddling around in Illustrator, so I kept at it. I've now got people asking me for copies, and it's made me a lot clearer on my own priorities. Click on the image to see it big.

Decision Maker

I'm going to print up copies and hand them out like tracts. Props to Merlin Mann of 43 Folders for his work with the Qualified Yes.

Like Wind Blowing Through Holes in My Brain

I just finished my fifth year Leave Rank and Tenure report, which is also my application for rank advancement. If I should pass this review, I'll be advanced from Assistant Professor to Associate professor.

I think this means that I will now be able to associate with the professors rather than just assist them. It also means a little bit more money (in reality, something like 1/8 of a run of the mill NBA bad sportsmanship fine).

But that doesn't matter. The document is finished. Holes punched. Arranged artfully in a 4" three-ring binder. Ready for submission (I'm laughing that it's always due the day after labor day — nothing like a performance review to spice up a barbecue!).

Now there is a lightness and freedom in my mind. It feels cool, like the wind blowing through holes in my mind. Perhaps I'll reward myself by going to see Tropic Thunder.

Captured Conversation

My next door neighbor is hilarious, and I think he knows it. The other day we had my sister-in-law visting with us. She lives in Lagos, Nigeria and she gets over to our parts once a year or so. We were taking a walk and we introduced her to the neighbors, who were out in the front yard tending some irises.

ALISA: Hi, this is my sister, Josie.

NEIGHBOR: She looks like a sister. What brings you up here from Oklahoma?

JOSIE: Actually, I live in Nigeria. In Lagos.

NEIGHBOR: So, do we have you to thank for all the internet money schemes?

JOSIE: No, that was someone else.

Truth is stranger than fiction, and I love it.

Research Trip

Due to a combination of forces (my wife taking the kids to a family reunion in Missouri and Oklahoma, and my getting some faculty development money) I was able plan a research trip to get my next big fiction project going.

The novel is going to be called They Very Cowboy, and it's about two guys who are obsessed with different aspects of the American West. A Japanese guy named Kenji is hooked on cowboy culture, and a German named Reinhardt is immersed in Native American culture. They adventure on their own through the West until they meet at Four Corners and continue their journeys together.

Basically my plan is this: scout locations and do a little method acting, see what will happen. I'm going to head east to Green River, cut down through Moab and head over into Colorado, then through the east side of the Navajo reservation, hop on sections of Route 66, then pop over the mountains to Boulder City, head through Vegas, and climb home. I will be on the look out for strange things.

View Larger Map

It's going to be hot, man, 120º in and around Nevada.

I'll be posting photographs over on my Flickr account and I'll be writing dispatches here as things come up.

Barbara Walters Playing Both Ends Against the Middle

The other day I was having the obligatory discussion about creative non-fiction in my Intro to Creative Writing class. It is always a strange conversation to start, especially with people who are new the the matters of writing and literature, and most students in an introductory course like this are not well-versed in these kinds of ideas. I have to say that I don't blame them, and I completely recognize that this is what they are taking college level English classes for.

The big question that creative non-fiction asks a person to think about is regarding truth. We get at it by dealing with the difference in what one is going to have to do to produce a short story versus what one is going to have to do to produce a personal essay, or memoir piece.

The technical definition of creative non-fiction (CNF) that you'll see all around the place is that CNF uses the conventions of fiction to tell a story in which the events are presented as having happened instead of presenting the events as invented. This gets immediately sticky because of what I teach about fiction and the fact that there is no creation ex nihilo. One creates by construction of new patterns from existing materials, which we gather through experience. So, in my view, even fiction is a form of non-fiction, but the source materials are a little more processed. The word I use for that in class is "granular."

Things aren't "falser" in fiction; the truth is not as immediately identifiable.

On the flip side, I point out that the notion of a true story is fraught with problems. My buddies over in the criminal justice department make it abundantly clear that eye witnesses are notoriously unreliable. Our senses do not constitute a security camera that records everything. The combination of our attention, the accuracy of our senses, and the faults of our memories create a dragnet of inaccuracies that we present as "our take" on what happened, with no more claim on the truth and anyone else's take.

Which invariably brings us to Mr. James Frey and his book A Million Little Pieces and that very, very tired controversy. In order to make this part of things a bit more interesting, I brought in this YouTube video of the very important response from the erudite pundits on the View.

I was so interested in the mob mentality here, and their complete lack of understanding of even the least shred of the most basic part of this argument from a literary perspective. What struck me was Barbara Walters perspective here. She is so quick to dismiss the memoir as a concept, then she packpaddles so quickly. The entire discussion makes the memoir seem like something Al-Qaeda whipped up to undermine Western civilization. But why was Walters so bold and why did she edit herself so quickly.

Well, take a look at the title of her new book. Will wonders never cease?

Sick as a Dog

Lately I've had a rash of throat-related medical issues. This March, when I was down on the Arizona/Mexico border, I woke up with a swollen uvula, which went away with a field dressing of Sudafed, Ibuprofen, and Mexican Amoxicillin. I had a hard palate infection followed by a command performance of the swollen uvula, this May while I was up in Bryce Canyon. I got over that with a superdose of steroids and a course of Amoxicillin.

Then, early this Saturday morning, I awoke with a feeling that was not unlike having half a brick wedged into my throat.

I went to InstaCare and discovered that the May instance of uvular edema was not some sort of pilot error on my part. The doctor said that there had been multiple cases recently, and they suspected a viral cause. In any case, the by product of a massive dose of steroids is a weakening of the immune system.

Which brings us to the massive case of strep the doctor found squatting in my throat on Saturday morning. I got a big shot of antibiotics (they threw in the Tigger band-aid), then I went home and slept pretty much constantly until the next morning, at which point I grabbed my headlamp and checked my throat in the mirror. It felt like the brick was gone, but it looked like a brick had indeed been shoved in there and then yanked out with a piece of vinyl clothesline.

So, that's what's been going on with me lately.

As a side note, I'm making good headway into my revision of Rift. It's been really quite enjoyable. My editor need not fear.

UPDATE 6.11.08 :: Alisa has it, too. So, to clear the house we all went to Kung-Fu Panda. I had a surprisingly good time.

UPDATE 6.12.08 :: Ike got it, too. Zoë seems to be in the clear. Cross your fingers.

Partners in the Parks

It's May, which means that it's National Parks time. My good friend and colleague, Matt Nickerson (who directs the Honors Program at SUU where I teach) and I have been putting together a program called Partners in the Parks. Each spring we take honors students out into the wild lands of Southwest Utah for what we call an Academic Adventure Program. Our focus is the National Parks system. We teach honors students about what a National Park is, how it is managed, who does the work, what it takes to maintain it.

Matt and I were recently awarded a grant from the National Parks Service to expand and document the program. In a year, we've gone from one pilot program in Bryce Canyon to six programs nationwide. Earlier this spring we collaborated with our friend Kevin Bonine, an evolutionary biologist from the University of Arizona, to take a group of Honors Program faculty from around the country on an experiential education training program along the US/Mexico border. We traveled from the saguaro country down to the Sea of Cortez.

This spring we started a series of three projects, starting with Zion National Park, followed by one in Bryce Canyon. We have one still to do on the North Rim of the Grand Canyon and then one to assist with on the east coast in Acadia National Park in Maine.

The numbers were small on this first Zion program, which was good because we really needed to get going on a new approach for us: letting go. We had two new leaders to train and observe. We were used to doing these kinds of projects on our own but we knew that we just couldn't sustain this on our own, not growing the program to the size that we imagined giving coverage to the National Parks Program as a whole. That was the big challenge we hadn't imagined.

It worked okay. What was most exciting was learning to manage the administrative parts of these activities with the on-the-ground aspects. We also needed to make sure that the integrity of the program was maintained, which meant that Matt and I had to know what it was, and we had to communicate it effectively to the new leaders. The Zion project went off reasonably well. I think participants really got the main idea of the whole program: study the parks by being in the parks.

Bryce Canyon was very interesting. After two days of really scorching temperatures (upper 80s and low 90s, which is hot for that elevation), the temperature dropped something like 40 degrees). We hiked in snow flurries. At night it froze, in the day, it came up a few degrees but not much. It was a real test for everyone, including the two of us, who had to learn how to run one of these programs when nothing went as planned (and almost nothing did). This was a completely different set of challenges. We also released more control and only joined the group at the half way point, for the backcountry hiking. At the same time a project in Manhattan rolled out, completely under the direction of other leaders. Two of the three on that project had been on projects with Matt and I, but they designed and executed this one on their own. It sounds like it was thrilling.

The final project is one that Matt and I are doing alone, with no other support staff. We're heading into the really remote Grand Canyon-Parashant National Monument, which is along the North Rim of the Grand Canyon between St. George, Utah and the Colorado River. As remote as it is (we need to bring extra spare tires, fuel, and a satellite phone), we'll be staying in a pretty nice research facility on Mt. Trumbull. No real loss of creature comforts there. No backpacking either. I think the solitude will be rapturous.

More on that when we finish.

Getting the AML Marilyn Brown Novel Award

Once, when I was in college, my grandfather sent me a check for fifty bucks—maybe it was a hundred. I was really strapped for cash then and had even, a few months earlier, taken a cash advance then on a credit card to get groceries. But I was working a pretty good job, so I didn't have to worry about the present. I just had to take care of a couple of past things like a long distance bill or some equally boring but important nuisance.

So, when the money from Poppa Bob came in, I did what I thought was really, really responsible. I paid off some of those nuisances. Then I wrote him a thank you note, explaining myself, thinking that he'd consider me to be a model citizen and a perfect grandson.

Well, I did not hear back from him directly.

About two weeks later (this was way before e-mail) my mother called to tell me that my grandfather was furious. I was to call him and explain myself. I told her that I'd used the money responsibly (occasionally I wasn't responsible with money, and I thought this was a good time to feature my good behavior). She said she understood that, but I needed to call him and talk to him.

I did what anyone who knew they were in trouble would do: I put it off for a few days. That was a terrible choice. He called me, used my first and second name.

"Todd Robert," he said. Normally his voice boomed, but he was ill and didn't have much oomph in the diaphragm anymore. "Your mother tells me you used that money I sent you to pay bills."

I gulped. "Yeah, I did."

"Windfall is not for taking care of business," he said. "Doncha have some girl you can take out?"

I did not, actually, have one of those at the moment. So I lied, "Yeah, I suppose."

The conversation didn't get any better, but the end result was that I learned a major lesson. Windfall is not for taking care of business. You use it to do something you're not doing because you don't have the cash. Windfall relieves a person from the duty of being responsible with money all the time.

What he was saying to me was this: "You need to remember to live a little, or the world of taking care of business will chew you up and spit you out."

I have to remember that this advice came to me from a man you nearly lost his life in the Solomon Islands rescuing a crate of bourbon from a landing strip while under Japanese mortar fire. He'd spent months getting the requisition filled, and he knew the boys sweating it out there in the Pacific theater might need some relief from taking care of the business of the second world war.

So now, when I manage to win an award of some kind, I try to do something extravagant with it. It's become a kind of family rule. If you work for the money, its primary job is to take care of business. If someone just gives it to you, its job is to make life a little brighter. So, for example, when a royalty check for my first book comes in, we go out to dinner (That usually causes the sum to evaporate, but that's life in the world of niche publishing).

Recently, my next book, Rift, won the Association of Mormon Letters Marilyn Brown Unpublished Novel award, which is a real honor. The citation had lots of nice things to say about the book, including a comparison to Levi Peterson, which is welcome but undeserved. What's also nice is the fact that there was a cash award. A generous one, care of Marilyn Brown. It is about as much money as I have ever seen from my writing. I am very grateful, and I am acutely aware that I should not use it for business.

And that might just rouse the dead.

My 15 Minutes of Fame (Going Up in Flames)

This is what you get when you volunteer to be on the library board. Last fall we put on a community reading program through the National Endowment for the Arts Big Read program, which is one of the great things about America, proving that the Feds aren't all bad. And though my arrest here, was a mock arrest, it has a pretty serious side, for me and my book and my community.

The threat of some censoring action is there, but I feel, as did Ray Bradbury in his novel Fahrenheit 451, that this matter of burning books in that culture was the result of indifference and disinterest and not a matter of the governmant closing things down.

Arrest

What we were doing here is trying to raise consciousness about the fact that there are more ways to "burn a book" than just burning a book. So, we staged a book burning, and we used some printer error copies of my first book, Long After Dark, as fodder. You can see the flames of the burning in the right hand corner of the page. I was to protest the burning of the book, and the cops were to tell me to calm down and take it through proper channels. Even though it was fake, I had a very visceral response to it. My pulse went up, and I felt like I was on my way to a McCarthy hearing, or to Guantanamo.

Actually, my biggest concern about my own book is that people will not read it. That there will be a general sense of apathy about it and the things that I care about that went into it. If someone wanted to burn it, that would be better. It would say that this book meant something, that it had the power to make changes.

But there is some danger in that, always some danger.